Well..damn, having a hard time getting going today with not getting out of bed til 6:45…and my fingers are numb so I must have slept on my shoulders wrong last night…had an okay day yesterday but didn’t get a lot done but the grocery run and today is going to be much the same…just need to change the oil in the car and that only takes about 20 minutes or so and then I’m going to grill some burgers and sausages to have for the rest of the week…have a green and red pepper in the fridge that need to be used so I’ll have to look at the recipes my daughter left and see what one they are used for and make it….still don’t have much pain from the surgery even with mowing the lawn and carrying in 25 pounds of groceries yesterday….so it looks like I’m pretty much healed and I hope to continue to improve over the next 6 weeks until the UK trip…still having problems gaining weight since I don’t have any desire to eat but that is not new…had a bowl of soup and a sausage yesterday and that’s not enough even with not riding the bike…not much to do today…just working on the car and grilling but I sure don’t feel like doing any of that right now…just so damn worn out and feel old…but I am old so I guess that’s normal….more later…

Well…talked to the surgeon this morning and that conversation burst my bubble of being cured from the cancer…and reading the report today there appears to still be a 2mm spot in the tissue left behind since he couldn’t take that out or all of the nerves would have been gone and I’d be peeing myself for the rest of my life…so now my life hangs in the balance with the PSA test in the first week of September…if it’s not 0, I still have cancer and we will start to talk about more treatment and that just sucks…this surgery was supposed to be it and I’d be done with it….pretty damn depressed right now…

Well..running about on time today and I’m at this at 6:30 so I’ll be able to get to the grocery run around 8…need to hit Menards for oil and a filter for the car and I need to make a DD run to get some 1/3 pound burgers for 2.99 a pound…not cheap but I can really use a burger on the grill to try to gain some weight….the pain is completely gone in my abdomen and today marks two weeks since the surgery…was certain that it was going to take longer to heal but I am still learning the new normal with my incontinence and how it feels….not a problem during the day but I’m still having problems at night that sucks…oh, well…it was an okay day yesterday and it felt good to get something done for a change…going to do the grocery run today and I’m excited to drive my car for the first time in almost 3 weeks….top down and smiling…the idiots were at it again last night and I had to make a call and I’m going to do it every time they pollute this neighborhood with their bullshit…now it’s personal and I am going to make them pay….not much to do today…just the grocery run and maybe some cleaning but I’ll take it pretty easy…two weeks after the surgery and only 4 weeks until I can get on the bike again…do I want to before the trip? The way I feel right now is yep…going to give it a try….more later….

Well…looked outside when I got up this morning and knew I had to mow the lawn today…had no pain at all so I went out and walked about half speed and made sure to put no strain on my abdomen…and now I’m sitting here still with no pain so I guess I did it right…still not going to lift anything heavier than 8 pounds for a couple of weeks just to make sure I don’t hurt myself…didn’t want to have to have my son do the 80 mile round trip to come out here to mow when I am feeling no pain…might have a little stiffness from it but that’s to be expected…but now I’m taking the rest of the day off as I look for a political topic for a little later….back in a while…

Well..damn, it’s almost 7:30 and for some reason, my hands and fingers feel like they are asleep today…I think it’s from sleeping okay last night…didn’t wake up once all night but sure don’t feel like it…pretty worn out today and it looks like I’ll be easing into it since it’s the only path forward right now….the coffee needs to work soon or I’ll be taking a nap by 8….had an okay but lazy day yesterday…didn’t get anything done at all but cook but I am going to break the rules today and mow the lawn…but not my normal way of doing it where I throw the mower around…it will be a mindful mowing where I think about every time I have to exert myself to make sure I don’t injure my abdomen…made a salad with the leftover Romaine lettuce my daughter bought and I put my pickled onions on it and it was so good…might go out to DD to get some Angus burgers for 3 bucks a pound…just want to drive the car for some reason and a grilled burger would taste so good….need to get back to being me while balancing that with continuing to heal….is this going to be my life now? Sure don’t want to be a “cancer survivor” the rest of my life…if I can get through the UK trip and ride my bike a couple of times, that will be enough….more later…

Well…just before my daughter left yesterday, she reminded me that I had half a green pepper that needed to be used…so, I got the brainstorm to slice it up and put it in the jar of pickled red onions I made…just got them out to put on the sausage I’m cooking for lunch, part two and they are just so good…a mix of green pepper taste and onion taste that I think I do again when I make the next jar of onions…going to put the rest of the green peppers on the sausage when I eat here in a minute….

Well…running a little late this morning and I’m easing into the day so I’ll probably be late for everything all day…not that I have any schedule to adhere to today…have a high winds notation at the bottom of the screen right now but the rain has been moved out to tomorrow so that’s a little disappointing but what can you do? I am going to harvest the rest of the broccoli this morning and make a meal of it but I’m not going to plant it again next year…way too little harvest from those huge plants…it’s going to take a little while to get used to being here alone again but it’s okay…it took a lot of energy to interact all day everyday for the last two weeks and now I need to recharge a bit…I did get out to get some yard work done yesterday but I need to rest today and take care of myself no matter how I feel…feel okay and don’t hurt too much this morning so I guess I’m doing it right…still not gaining any weight so I need to eat more today and keep that up for a while…not much to do today…going to watch the MotoGP race in a few minutes and then just wing it for the day…more races on later and maybe even some soccer…need to remember that I am still on restrictions and don’t do anything stupid….more later….

Well…it’s kind of a bittersweet morning as my daughter packs up to go home and I will miss having her here…it’s been a good two weeks and I am still healing pretty well…feel good but my intestines are giving me fits so I’m back on the mirilax until they get back to being regular again…had an okay day yesterday but only got a little done and the car is now ready for driving for the grocery run Wed…it started right up when I washed it the other day but the parking brake was frozen up a bit and I think I’ll have to climb under it and lube the linkages soon…I do need to hit Menards this week and get oil so I can change it…need to get through the winter with this car but I’m not sure when I’ll be able to afford another one if I buy a new house….going to be a huge juggling act to make the sale of this place happen and buy another one at the same time…but, I’m not going to worry about that for a week or so…my daughter is going to change the new mattress for the one in my room before she goes and I am going to help her move it whether she likes it or not….and I am going to get back into the normal routine but this new one has been fun for the past two weeks…not much to do today…just going to help her load up her car and move the mattress and then I’ll be done…then I’m just going to watch races and veg…have way too much food to eat but I need to eat more sine I’m still losing weight even without riding the bike….more later….

Well…we finally got out for a tour around Muskegon with my daughter today and she really like this town…not my neighborhood, but this town and I really do need to find another place to live out here…this is the worst neighborhood in Muskegon and I’m finally ready to admit that…going to look a few miles farther west to see if there is something there for me but I need to take some time off to continue to recover from the surgery…it was a good day today with little pain but I am waiting for a call back from the surgeon to talk about my pathologist report and how I’m recovering…he called at 9:30 and I called him back at 10 so that was 6 hours ago…oh, well…we did have a small storm come through last night and it is going to rain again Sunday and Monday so I may have some peace from the drunks across the street…

Well…running about on time for waking up at 5:04 and not being able to get back to sleep…another day night and I am still shaking my head about the progress that I’ve made since the cath came out Tuesday…still have to think about it at times but it’s not the deluge I was expecting and that most people experience….got some stuff done with finally getting the car and the bike washed and today I need to get out there and lube the bike so it won’t get rusty while it just sits…we did get a nice little storm last night that will help with killing the weeds and I just may mow the front when my daughter leaves tomorrow…will take it really gently and not overdo it to make sure I have no setbacks in my recovery…I did start on my upper body work yesterday with doing 100 curls with the 5 pound weights and 100 with the 8 pound weights and I hope I can build some muscle mass to fill up the crepey skin on my arms….overall, I feel pretty good but I did have a little pain this morning …it’s down to about a 2 on the 10 scale so I think just two ibuprofens will take care of it…all of this sitting has done a number on my tailbone so I’m going to have to do some walking today and look forward to it…I am going to have prepped food for the next week in the freezer and some chicken/apple sausages that I am dying to try…had goat cheese as a topping on the chili my daughter made yesterday and she is done cooking since she is going home tomorrow…I am going to miss her…it’s been nothing but a joy to have her here to get me through the hard part of the surgery and recovery….not much to do today…we are going to take a tour of the city and my trails out to the beach so she can see why I like living out here…and I have bills to drop off at the post office so she can see the downtown, too…more later…