Well…man, for being good last night, I still feel pretty crappy this morning and didn’t sleep well at all…but, I have lots to do today and I’ll need to shake that off and get at it here in a few minutes….need to get the string trimmer out and then mow the lawn and get some bare parts seeded since it is going to rain later today and last a while and that may just sprout the seed…finally…after using the weed killer, almost half of the lawn is now dead and needs seed but I am going to take it piece by piece since doing large parts without a cover of topsoil didn’t work too well…only did one ride yesterday and today looks the same with using the morning to work around here and the rain coming in by late afternoon….it looks like I’ll get to 1k miles for the year in the next couple of days but won’t get anywhere near the 6k I did last year…and that’s okay….I won’t say not much to do today because I do have lots to do and will be working all morning and then I have to use up leftovers for lunch….then on the bike for a ride and I may be able to get a little down time later in the day….more later….

Well…I wonder what would happen if I decided to just not do anything today? No bike ride, no yard work, no garden work…no nothing and just sat on my couch and watched tv? Yeah, I don’t think I could do it either but the thought of it seem oddly comforting in some way. I did sleep okay last night and didn’t get up til after 6…and that should have been enough but I still feel pretty slow…it may be the lack of motivation I’ve been feeling lately….didn’t get anything done yesterday but the bike rides and I even forgot to make coffee last night which is happening more and more often…I think I may need a reset…can a human do a control alt delete? Was thinking that living out here is changing me in ways I don’t like….with all of the selfish people booming their music all the time, I have become harder and less tolerant and I don’t like that at all…and I have forgotten my mantra that you can control how you react to things…need to work on that or I’m going to be just as terrible as the people around me here….hmmmm….not much to do today…I need to figure out why my roku is not shutting off any more and try to fix that and I was going to go out and get more grass seed to start working on the huge parts of the lawn that was all weeds that I killed and is now bare….and I might do that…but right now, all I want to do is have coffee and read the news….more later…

Well….it’s been one of those strange days where I just couldn’t get motivated to read the news so I didn’t get any ideas to do one on politics today…just didn’t feel right all day and when that happens, nothing works right either….I did get two rides in but didn’t get to the second one until 4 or so and that is really late…I was hoping that the fog had started rolling in at the lake but nothing yet…we are under a dense fog warning from tonight until tomorrow morning with the visibility under 1/4 of a mile and that would be cool to see….that damn heartburn is back again and I wonder if it’s the burrito I made for lunch…had some hot sauce with it and that may be it…or the cumin….who knows? Okay…I can’t get motivated to do any more of this…so I’m stopping now…

Well…running really, really late today with getting out on the bike before 7:30 and now just sitting back down here…I think I slept okay but don’t feel like it today…just darn worn out and I can’t figure it out…but, I’m not sore so I guess that’s something…didn’t do a second ride yesterday and that makes me feel a little guilty so I will get out for another one today before the napcar race is on…I have started to notice that my legs are getting definition from the almost 1k miles I’ve ridden since I moved out here and I think I’ve lost a little weight, too, so I guess that’s cool…I am still pretty depressed and I think part of it is that I have so much work to do around here and I’m not making much progress…I did finally get the light shut off downstairs and got the last of the plants planted so I need to get rid of the cups that had seeds that didn’t come up in them today and take the light down and pack it back up…not sure how much else I’ll get done today since I have been trying to take Sundays off and not feel guilty about it…and I haven’t been too successful with that…more later….

Well…hmmm…I guess that taking things with less urgency isn’t working today….I did get out on the bike before 8 and got a ride in before F1 qualifying…after that, I got the rest of the plants in the garden, got weed killer on the lawn where there were tree seeds that had sprouted all over it, and than had lunch and I am now thinking about getting the second ride in for the day…so, taking it easy is not working at all…but, I am going to try by watching Indy qualifying in a half hour or so….I need some rest…

Well…running late this morning with trying to not feel any urgency about the day and just letting it happen instead of forcing it…yeah, I know that sounds weird but I seem to be forcing everything lately and running when I don’t need to…you know, I am beginning to get cautiously optimistic about the noise here with having a Friday night where it was tolerable and I had all the windows open here…and they still are and it is quiet here at 7:38 in the morning…I did get out to the new bar that just opened down the street yesterday for a couple and it was a little strange being out and sitting there and sipping a beer…might get used to it after a while but is going to take some time….only did a ride and a half on the bike yesterday and I am trying to not feel bad about that…they were painting the railings out at the beach yesterday and I feel a little guilty that I’m retired and not helping the rest of the oldsters that were doing it…I mean, I could tell most of these folks didn’t do sanding and painting much since they stood there and looked at it more than working but they were doing something and I wasn’t and that made me feel bad….but, I’m not even working on my own house much so it’s hard to justify working on other stuff….not much to do today…I am going to just sit here and have coffee while I wait for F1 qualifying at 9…or maybe I should get off my butt and get a ride in before? Damn, more urgency…what to do?

Well…didn’t get up til after 6:30 this morning even with waking up a little before 6….can’t figure out why I’ve been so darn tired lately and I feel the same today…just worn out and that means I haven’t been getting much done around here and that feeds back into feeling depressed that makes me even more tired…okay, doing 30 miles a day on the bike probably has something to do with it…but, I did ride all the way out to the state park yesterday and that is a 16 mile round trip…the first time I tried it a few weeks ago, I felt like I wasn’t going to make it back without a rest but yesterday it was pretty easy so I guess I’m finally getting back into shape…but, I was suffering with pain by the time I got back here and my right elbow still hurts this morning from it so I think I’m going to try some ibuprofen before I get out today….I do have some errands to run this morning since I need more sunscreen so I have to hit the dollar store and Meijers to get my Mega tickets since the jackpot is over 500 mil…and I should hit depot to get some topsoil so I can start seeding the yard where I killed the weeds…and more potting soil so I can put the rest of the veggies in the garden…I did get some peppers to come up downstairs and should get them in the ground in the next couple of days so I can turn the light off….not much to do today…just the errands and two rides again today…I did check the temp of lake Michigan the other day and it looks like about another three weeks before I can swim…it’s still going to be cold but I want to give it a try soon….more later…

Well…this sucks a bit….I should be really happy sitting on my front porch with a coffee, the windows open, and the Doobies playing on the turntable and no other noise…but the depression came back last night and smacked me really hard this morning and I don’t know why…yeah, I know, there doesn’t have to be a trigger reason…it would be so much easier if there were…then I could just fix it and move on…I’m sure part of it is that I’m not making progress on the house after being here for almost 3 months…still no paint or repair on the stuff that needs it before I can paint…and windows still need to be cleaned and I need to cook….and the outside of the house needs to be cleaned, and I need to start reseeding the lawn…you get the picture…but, all I want to do is sit here….cripes, this sucks….

Well…running a little late this morning with not getting out of bed until 6:30…again…and I wonder what the heck is going on….but, I’ll take it if I can sleep more than 5 hours a night…still feel pretty worn out and will need the coffee if I’m going to get out on the bike before 8….one of these days I’m going to take a day off and just lie around here and not feel bad that I’m not making any progress on the house…but, not today…I need to cook and clean some to have food for the rest of the week…have some boneless skinless chicken to cook today so I’ll have leftovers to make some chicken burritos for the weekend….or some wraps, not sure which yet….I did get some beans and more tomato plants in the garden yesterday and it appears that most of them are going to survive but I’m not sure how they are going to cope with the crappy soil that I didn’t do enough to prepare…..next year I’m going to dig down about a foot or so and replace all the sand with some garden soil…if they don’t grow…not much to do today….need to get out on the bike after reading some news…and I need to look at HF’s website to see if I can find a puller to get the pedal arms off the old bike and then look for the special tool that is needed to get the crankset out….really need to get at the old bike and get it rebuilt…oh, and I did check the temp of Lake Michigan yesterday and it feels like about another month before I can go swimming…more later….

Well…don’t want to jinx it but I really do have to say it has been quiet up here for two days now after they cited the loud house for ignoring the law…and I sit here on my new couch right now listening to birds instead of the bang, boom, thump that had polluted the entire neighborhood…but, I am not so naive that I think that it will continue or that anyone up here has any courtesy for their neighbors…maybe enforcement of the law will change that behavior? I’m pretty sure they were surprised when the cops showed up at their place 4 times…and I will take even small victories…it was so nice working on planting more in the garden today in peace but I think I’m still feeling ptsd from having to call the dispatch all the time….and having to hear that crap all day long….but, right now, I have my porch windows open with a nice breeze blowing through here and need to just enjoy what is now versus what might happen….I just wonder why no one else appreciates the quiet? Or did anything about it before me? Oh, well….baby steps…