Well…with everything happening, or not happening on the house hunt, I’ve found myself sliding into melancholia today with that dead feeling that comes with it…and with it comes the need to listen to melancholy music to try to reset my semi functioning brain…it is in times like this that I’m really glad I live alone….just couldn’t give anything to anyone right now…and this time I reached back to one of my favorite albums and the first one I bought with my own money “Revolver” by the Beatles and the song “For no One”….one of my favorite songs of any Beatles song…a song about a break up where she’s getting over it and he isn’t…2 minutes and 1 second of perfection…back then I didn’t really have a clue what the song was about but I was in band at the time and it has a french horn solo in it that I just loved….I’m not sure what it is about breakup songs that speaks to me but this one and “Wasted Time” by the Eagles about a woman who is getting older and is going through another breakup and can’t believe it’s happening again….saw that one live here in GR and I will admit I shed a tear when I heard it…”you never thought you’d be alone this far down the line…”  maybe it’s that the lyric describes my own life? Normally, I’m not a country fan but I remembered a song by LeAnn Rimes called “Probably wouldn’t be this way” about a woman who lost her husband and is struggling to try to get over it that I have to include in my wallow today…in the song, her friends and family can’t figure out why she can’t move on…but I get it…there are time when you just don’t get over it…an emotional punch stays with you for years even when you know logically that it’s time, but all you hope for is the pain to just fade a little…and like today, there are times you welcome it as an old friend…and a necessary part of your sanity….okay….it’s not that dark…I just needed something different to write about today…and I am melancholy….

Well…hey, made it all the way to 6:23 this morning but I still feel pretty crappy today…slept okay but my head was so plugged up that I couldn’t breathe through my nose at all and that causes it’s own problems that I am still feeling….but that should get better as the day goes on…didn’t get out on the bike yesterday with all of the crap that was going on but I think the trails may be clear after the rain yesterday so I’m going to head out there when it warms up enough…but that won’t be til noon or so and I am going to take an easy morning to get ready for that….they have started running old cartoons on metv on sat mornings and that is kind of cool…when I was a kid that was the thing for getting up on sat…and Popeye is on right now…gives me something to watch until soccer comes on…didn’t get anything done yesterday but I’m going to clean and pack some today…and try to figure out what to cook for the start of next week so I can take it out of the freezer and thaw it…don’t have any room in the freezer so I really don’t need to buy any protein this week…just like last week….more later…

Well…running late for coming back here and it is because I went out to look at another house with my brother…what a frickin dump…99K and the garage was held up by a brick wall or it would have fallen over…when we walked into it, he looked at me and said nope…so we took a quick tour and left…so no house for me today…more looking ahead….I am looking at one that has the weirdest shaped lot…80 feet wide by 500 feet deep and tiny house but only 86k so maybe I’ll take a drive out to look at it tomorrow…supposedly appraised at 102k in December but no basement and a small garage, too….and the deal for it that was posted as pending back in December must have fallen through….so, back to looking tomorrow..still have a week or so to find something and still be able to get out of here…I’m a little depressed…

Well….darn…up at 5:30 and today I knew there was no point to even trying to get back to sleep….but that worked out okay since I needed to put the recycling bin out and forgot to do it last night…slept a little crappy last night with a lot of tossing and turning and I’m feeling it right now…felt like the bug was going away yesterday but it’s back this morning and that is a little disappointing…but it is not worse so I guess that’s something…I may be able to get back to the trails with the rain and snow melt that happened overnight and I’m looking forward to that…riding on the road is okay but it is too easy to just do 6 miles and call it a day…I need more than that and I’ll be really happy if I can get back out there…damn, I wonder when my heel is ever going to heal? Still hurts like crazy today and now my gout appears to be flaring again…or it’s just from walking on the front of the foot for so long…either way I am so damn tired of it and have tried everything to fix it…might have to get some liquid bandage to pull the cracks back together and see if that will help….not much to do today…need to spend the day looking for houses so I can pull the trigger on one now….more later…

Well…what a morning…with the Mega jackpot at 750 million dollars for tomorrow…I thought I’d go out and get tickets this morning so I wouldn’t have to go in the snow and ice tomorrow…and it didn’t start out good…for some reason, I didn’t remember to disconnect the battery Tuesday so the car barely started…then the parking brake was frozen up since I had not lubricated it this year so I could barely move the car as I went out to the atm to get some cash out…on the way there, the car was pulling like crazy to one side and I assumed it was one of the rear brakes still hanging up but when I got back here and started working on the rear brakes, I noticed that the right front tire was soft and that was why it was pulling so bad…I had just filled the tires Tuesday to get ready for the run to Muskegon that never happened so I’m hoping that it was just the valve hanging up…if not, I’m thawing my fix a flat so I can put some of that in it…might have to pull it off and look for a puncture…I’ve got material to fix it so no big deal….and my new compressor really fills it fast so that was cool….

Well…running a little late this morning even with waking up at 4:24…I did get back to sleep for a short time and got up for good at 6:30 or so and it’s taken me 45 minutes to get to the point I can think and do this…I do have a cold but don’t feel too bad…yet…just a little sore throat and coughing but not tired and I can still smell and taste so it’s not too serious….it ‘s working up to a month that I have been hobbling around with a crack in my heel and I’m not sure what to do about it…have been treating it with antibiotics and super duper heel cream but nothing seems to help….think I’ll look on the internet this morning to see if there is something else I can do…I did get a bike ride in yesterday but the trails are still covered in ice and snow so I was back on the streets again…and that’s not bad…at least I can get out and work up a sweat…with screwing around on the computer all day, I didn’t get much else done but clean the stove top…have to stop wearing my glasses around here…things look perfectly fine when I don’t but ick when I do….so more cleaning today and more house hunting….running out of time…more later….

Well…have been screwing around trying to get myself scheduled for a covid vaccine for the past damn week and finally…I was able to get the mychart app to work so I could access my account at Spectrum health and get that done this afternoon…still going to be two months til I can get one since they don’t have any but I’m now registered everywhere so I’ll get notification as soon as one is available…spent the whole damn day on it and found out that my colon cancer test came back negative so I can breathe a little easier…but I have lots of other tests that need to be done but I’m not even going to think of those until I get the vaccine….now I need to get back to finding a house….

Well….with all of the crap going on in my life right now, there was one small bit of good news that came in my electric bill yesterday…ever since I moved in here, my bill has been over 100 dollars a month and a lot of that was the downstairs project that I had going until a couple of months ago…the last one before I shut it down was almost 120 bucks and I was curious how much was the project, and how much was just normal electrical usage…so, when I opened the bill, I was pleasantly surprised with the small bit of good news that came in it…only 48 bucks and I think there may have been a little bit of the project still in it so I may see normal in my last bill here next month….I needed a little good news….

Well…running a little late this morning and I just can’t get started…still depressed about losing the house yesterday but I am only going to let that affect me a little while longer…need to move on and keep putting one foot in front of the other…slept okay last night and made it all the way til 7 in bed…woke up at 5 but didn’t get up til 7….was feeling like I was getting a bug yesterday and I still feel like I have a cold or something and usually get at least one every year so I’m not too surprised…don’t feel bad enough for it to be the flu or anything else so I guess I’ll just take come vitamin C and hope that helps…it could also be that I’m not eating enough with only one meal for the past three days in a row and I’m sure that 800 calories a day is not enough to feel good…didn’t get on the bike yesterday but I am going to do two laps of my 6 mile loop today since it’s already 33 out there and that’s warm enough to go….I do need to clean some today but that won’t be til later…I do need more coffee and to catch up on the news and I need to register to get the vaccine when it’s available…so that will give me something to do this morning….more later…

Well…this really sucks…the house I wanted in Muskegon was sold this morning and now I don’t think I’ll find one in time to be out of here in March….man, I’m depressed….