Well…I did get out to the beach today but the water was really cold and wavy so I didn’t want to chance injury by going in…after just lying on my stomach on my beach chair for 10 minutes, my abdomen started to hurt so I think it was a good decision to take it easy…there were only about 10 people on the beach so plenty of room to be away from everybody…only stayed out there for an hour and a half…got some color but no enough for me to be uncomfortable…I may just go out there tomorrow to see if the water will be warmer and less wavy to get a swim in…who knows?

Well…running a bit early today with getting up a little before 6 but I’m not getting moving too fast….used the Voltaren on my right thumb last night and it worked pretty well…going to keep that stuff around…slept okay last night but feel worn out this morning and I think it’s not eating enough…really trying to gain some weight and haven’t been successful yet….still looking pretty gaunt and that needs to be fixed….I thinking of going out to the beach after I run an errand this morning…feeling good enough to do an easy swim today and get some sun…yeah, I know…not supposed to exert myself but I got through mowing the lawn with no damage so I guess I can try swimming….but I will just float and nothing else….didn’t get much done yesterday and I think today will be about the same…don’t have to cook today but I will need to figure out what recipe uses the peppers that are in the fridge so I can use them before they spoil….not much to do today…just the post office run and then an errand and I’ll be back here before 9 or so….then I’ll have the rest of the day to do what I want…but I don’t want to do much with how I feel right now….more later…

Well…got a weird phone call from Priority Health this morning where they wanted to try to enroll me in Medicaid to go with my Medicare and the only reason I can think of is they are going to send me a bill for my 5 grand copay for the surgery and they don’t think I can afford it….I make too much on SS to qualify for it so I just cut them off…it was an automated call anyway and I was just not going to spend a minute going through it when I know the outcome…what a waste of my time….

Well..damn, having a hard time getting going today with not getting out of bed til 6:45…and my fingers are numb so I must have slept on my shoulders wrong last night…had an okay day yesterday but didn’t get a lot done but the grocery run and today is going to be much the same…just need to change the oil in the car and that only takes about 20 minutes or so and then I’m going to grill some burgers and sausages to have for the rest of the week…have a green and red pepper in the fridge that need to be used so I’ll have to look at the recipes my daughter left and see what one they are used for and make it….still don’t have much pain from the surgery even with mowing the lawn and carrying in 25 pounds of groceries yesterday….so it looks like I’m pretty much healed and I hope to continue to improve over the next 6 weeks until the UK trip…still having problems gaining weight since I don’t have any desire to eat but that is not new…had a bowl of soup and a sausage yesterday and that’s not enough even with not riding the bike…not much to do today…just working on the car and grilling but I sure don’t feel like doing any of that right now…just so damn worn out and feel old…but I am old so I guess that’s normal….more later…

Well…talked to the surgeon this morning and that conversation burst my bubble of being cured from the cancer…and reading the report today there appears to still be a 2mm spot in the tissue left behind since he couldn’t take that out or all of the nerves would have been gone and I’d be peeing myself for the rest of my life…so now my life hangs in the balance with the PSA test in the first week of September…if it’s not 0, I still have cancer and we will start to talk about more treatment and that just sucks…this surgery was supposed to be it and I’d be done with it….pretty damn depressed right now…

Well..running about on time today and I’m at this at 6:30 so I’ll be able to get to the grocery run around 8…need to hit Menards for oil and a filter for the car and I need to make a DD run to get some 1/3 pound burgers for 2.99 a pound…not cheap but I can really use a burger on the grill to try to gain some weight….the pain is completely gone in my abdomen and today marks two weeks since the surgery…was certain that it was going to take longer to heal but I am still learning the new normal with my incontinence and how it feels….not a problem during the day but I’m still having problems at night that sucks…oh, well…it was an okay day yesterday and it felt good to get something done for a change…going to do the grocery run today and I’m excited to drive my car for the first time in almost 3 weeks….top down and smiling…the idiots were at it again last night and I had to make a call and I’m going to do it every time they pollute this neighborhood with their bullshit…now it’s personal and I am going to make them pay….not much to do today…just the grocery run and maybe some cleaning but I’ll take it pretty easy…two weeks after the surgery and only 4 weeks until I can get on the bike again…do I want to before the trip? The way I feel right now is yep…going to give it a try….more later….

Well…looked outside when I got up this morning and knew I had to mow the lawn today…had no pain at all so I went out and walked about half speed and made sure to put no strain on my abdomen…and now I’m sitting here still with no pain so I guess I did it right…still not going to lift anything heavier than 8 pounds for a couple of weeks just to make sure I don’t hurt myself…didn’t want to have to have my son do the 80 mile round trip to come out here to mow when I am feeling no pain…might have a little stiffness from it but that’s to be expected…but now I’m taking the rest of the day off as I look for a political topic for a little later….back in a while…

Well..damn, it’s almost 7:30 and for some reason, my hands and fingers feel like they are asleep today…I think it’s from sleeping okay last night…didn’t wake up once all night but sure don’t feel like it…pretty worn out today and it looks like I’ll be easing into it since it’s the only path forward right now….the coffee needs to work soon or I’ll be taking a nap by 8….had an okay but lazy day yesterday…didn’t get anything done at all but cook but I am going to break the rules today and mow the lawn…but not my normal way of doing it where I throw the mower around…it will be a mindful mowing where I think about every time I have to exert myself to make sure I don’t injure my abdomen…made a salad with the leftover Romaine lettuce my daughter bought and I put my pickled onions on it and it was so good…might go out to DD to get some Angus burgers for 3 bucks a pound…just want to drive the car for some reason and a grilled burger would taste so good….need to get back to being me while balancing that with continuing to heal….is this going to be my life now? Sure don’t want to be a “cancer survivor” the rest of my life…if I can get through the UK trip and ride my bike a couple of times, that will be enough….more later…

Well…just before my daughter left yesterday, she reminded me that I had half a green pepper that needed to be used…so, I got the brainstorm to slice it up and put it in the jar of pickled red onions I made…just got them out to put on the sausage I’m cooking for lunch, part two and they are just so good…a mix of green pepper taste and onion taste that I think I do again when I make the next jar of onions…going to put the rest of the green peppers on the sausage when I eat here in a minute….

Well…running a little late this morning and I’m easing into the day so I’ll probably be late for everything all day…not that I have any schedule to adhere to today…have a high winds notation at the bottom of the screen right now but the rain has been moved out to tomorrow so that’s a little disappointing but what can you do? I am going to harvest the rest of the broccoli this morning and make a meal of it but I’m not going to plant it again next year…way too little harvest from those huge plants…it’s going to take a little while to get used to being here alone again but it’s okay…it took a lot of energy to interact all day everyday for the last two weeks and now I need to recharge a bit…I did get out to get some yard work done yesterday but I need to rest today and take care of myself no matter how I feel…feel okay and don’t hurt too much this morning so I guess I’m doing it right…still not gaining any weight so I need to eat more today and keep that up for a while…not much to do today…going to watch the MotoGP race in a few minutes and then just wing it for the day…more races on later and maybe even some soccer…need to remember that I am still on restrictions and don’t do anything stupid….more later….