Well…we’ll see if the block is still in my head today…I think it is but I’m going to keep trying…have a pretty busy day today with lunch with T and then out to Ada for pool….have to go to Best Buy, too, to get one of the little flash drives so I can get some more music from Tom…8 gigs for 20 bucks…I can remember when my whole hard drive was 40 meg and thought it was the greatest thing in the world. Yeah, you know I’m old….I remember when I was in college and the first electronic calculator was invented and it replaced the slide rules that we were using…never did get the hang of the slide rule…but that is another story for another time, or never…who knows….I may have another one of these later since there is an idea percolating….
Tag Archives: life
I just don’t know…
Well…still quite blocked but needed to see if I could write anything at all…maybe that will get me started… I think I have to apologize for the false start on the last one, usually, when I get going it just flows out of me…yeah, I can hear you now…just like crap. It’s been that way since I started this thing in April and I can’t figure it out…but, that’s just one of the things that I can’t figure out…do you guys have that problem? At 57 you’re supposed to be sure of yourself and have everything figured out but as time goes on I feel less and less sure of things…maybe it’s that change thing I promised to write about way back in April.
You know how change works for me? It’s like I see changes as discrete events and automatically think and label my life as pre and post event….like I was traveling along one line and then whack; the event puts me on another path that I have no clue about how to deal with it….well…that’s not really true..it just looks different in some way and it takes me a while to start living that life without thinking about it…I don’t know if I’m being clear, if it’s the block or I’m just tilted off the normal 45 degrees skewed. But that is just a clinical description…the feelings that go with it are what I think is the key…but who knows? As I said…I just don’t know…
August 17th part two…
Well..I did go out to GH for a swim and some sun and feel much better, the waves were even bigger than Sunday and having less people around was also a plus…didn’t stay long, though since I broke my beach chair…the damn thing only lasted 15 years…now I just need to get the bike ride in some time this afternoon and I’ll be back on my fitness track. Not much else to do today but I promise, I’ll get to the placeholder some time this aft….the things that are going on in America these days are breaking through my newfound calmness and I have to release some of that anger through this post…so, stay tuned…
August 17th
Well…this one is going to be short since all I want to do is hit the couch and say ow….yep, long night out with G and then a couple of mans here and I feel like crap….did win some cash playing Keno so the tab was small and that is a good thing. Trying to decide whether to go out to GH again this morning but it’s not looking good….may just take the day off and completely veg…more later…
August 16th
Well…had a little bout with the manhattans last night and feel a little slow this morning…want to get back into the routine and get out to get the papers and coffee…I do have topic for later that is going to deal with the righties expected use of fear and divisivness to win the fall elections and their cynical approach to everything. But that is later, not now…going to get a haircut this morning since the head looks really weird with it this long and I don’t want to have to take care of it…yeah, that is the high point of my day but I am going to make a zucchini provencal for lunch since C loaded me up with veggies again Sat…the salsa I made last week came out good so I may as well keep trying new stuff….more later…
August 15th part two…
Well…I did go out to GH this morning…it is strange to be out on the sand before 9 in the morning and to have the weather be so nice that it was comfortable to go shirtless…well…comfortable for me, not the people who had to look at me…they don’t HAVE to look after all. I had forgotten how much fun the big waves are and was grinning like an idiot trying to body surf some of them…did get some good rides in but I am sore from using a bunch of new muscles. Was on the beach for 3 hours and I think I was in the water for two of them….I just love Lake Michigan and that’s where my ashes will be spread when I croak…at least that’s in the will.
After getting a little scorched, I took the bike off the back of the wreck and rode it into town (what there is of a town) to get a couple of Pronto Pups…fresh made corndogs they sell from this tiny little stand along the channel…used to take the kids there when they were little and they are just the best with a slather of mustard on one side….then back to the car to load up the bike and made a woman really happy giving her my parking spot at the little GH city park that is just a little south of the State park…got out of there at just the right time since the traffic had started to pick up and it’s a pain to slide the clutch in the stop and go getting out of town. I won’t bore you with the rest of the day…well, I’ve probably bored you already but that horse has left the barn…
August 15th
Well…just a short one this morning…loading up the bike again to go out to GH and lay in the sand and swim…haven’t read the paper yet so I really don’t have any other topics but I’ll be back around 1 to and may have something non-political…possibly about the trip…more later…
August 14th Wildlife alert..
Well…got out on the bike early today because the heat and humidity are going to be unbearable later and I like the way the light looks in the morning….have to pass on this wildlife alert that made me laugh…I don’t know if it’s mating season for frogs but there were a bunch of them out on the trail this morning around one of the retention ponds by the e-way and the little marsh that is further up the road. Have not seen any snakes this year yet which is odd; saw almost one a day last year and I wonder what has changed. Saw a huge group of wild turkeys with two adults and about 15 chicks by the woods in front of the church and another pair of adults sauntering across 60th street like they had not a care in the world. But the weirdest thing was the 10 inch smallmouth bass that was laying on the sidewalk by the old KW library…now, unless bass have leaned to walk, that is a strange place to find one….just another facet of the weirdness that is my life right now…
Might let some more crazy out later..so, come on back…
Can you tell I’m bored?
Well…don’t have anything to do today, as you can tell, or I wouldn’t be posting so much stuff today…that’s not really true, I do like to write this post every day and today is one of those days when the brain is working and the midwestern discipline has kicked in to keep me thinking about the things that are important to me and I hope to some of you out there. Or, you could just be looking at this to wait for the final meltdown to happen…are there bets happening on how large the explosion will be? That would be pretty cool but I’d like to get in on the action since I could use the money.
It’s spider alert again here at the old homestead…but I think I’ll leave them for a while to see just how many of them can co-exist in the tiny little space that is my bathroom….they are serving a purpose..had an infestation of those little black flying bugs that were drawn in by some really stinky garbage that I neglected to put out for a few days and their tiny little carcasses are now in every web the spiders have built. The good thing is that once they build those webs, they kind of stay put, and I don’t have to worry about them crawling over me in my sleep. That did happen once….and it still freaks me out.
This is turning into a stream of consciousness thing….and I’m just rambling around into the corners of the head…which is really weird since my head doesn’t have any corners…lumps, yes, but no corners….and very little hair, too. Oh, did try the Rogaine thing to try to grow the hair back but I guess I’m in the 15% of guys it doesn’t work for….and that is really weird considering that I have no trouble growing hair everywhere else..especially in places I don’t want it….and the problem is, most of those places are ones I can’t reach to shave it…and what’s the deal with arm hair and not leg hair going grey? Hmmm….that’s probably more than you wanted to hear so I’ll stop….come back again tomorrow and I’ll let some more of the crazy out…
Just some thoughts…
Well…was going to get into the class warfare thing…and I may still do that later but I had something pop into my head this morning that I want to share…of a little more personal note than normal. The news reports yesterday were heavily weighted to one story that hit home for me…about a mechanic who chose to stay on unemployment rather than take 150 dollars a week less from basically minimum wage jobs. The repubs, of course, jumped on this individuals choices as proving their point that unemployment benefits give people an incentive to not work and are a major reason unemployment is so high. Really? I know, I’ve touched on this before but the story of the 50 something man trying his best to survive without giving up everything he worked his whole life for hit so close to home that I wanted to share a little of my story that is remarkably similar.
The problem is, I did everything right…I followed all of the rules…work hard, get an education, save money, raise a family, take care of my health; the things I could control…but the one thing I can’t control, my age, is the one thing that keeps many of us from going back to work…no one will hire a 57 year old no matter what their qualifications. And, I do have qualifications: an associate degree, two bachelor degrees, and a masters degree; graduating magna and summa cum laude…first in my class for the masters in management….and over 100 resumes out in the last month with no responses. It’s disheartening that everything you were taught about life, and that you believed in, has been turned upside down and no longer applies. But I don’t want you to think that this is whining because it’s not…it’s more that I’m confused and haven’t figured out the new order yet. I still have hope that I will, but the weight of slowly going broke, of just idling here while I wait for the economy to improve, takes a toll every day. I long for the times when weekends meant something, the times when I had someplace to go, the times when I had accomplishments to look forward to; I still try to smile every day but it gets harder as this goes on…..